I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Boobs are out for the taking
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
