You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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