remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am available for nakedness
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
