i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
