when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
