I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
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I need you to use more vowels.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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