I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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