They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
why does every cop we meet know your name?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
