why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
