Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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