i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
