I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I supernannyed him into submission
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize