I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
