Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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