1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
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Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
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Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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