guys are not supposed to queef...right?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
