508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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