Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
