remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
