Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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