people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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