i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
