my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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