Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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