Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She bit a glass in half.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
