I cockslap morals
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
