it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
