oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
