Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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