i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
