Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
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I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize