i used baking grease as lip gloss
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I could fuck to npr.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
