Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
