I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
