My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
