you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
