I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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