Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My liver just broke up with me...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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