he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
