And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
