i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
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Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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