I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
