Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
