you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
