so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
