I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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