I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
