My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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