Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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