I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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