I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
