Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
