sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
