this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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