Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
