I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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