So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
