i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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