I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
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You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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