i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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