i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
