I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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