She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
