he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
