That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬