So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.