I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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