i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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