Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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