Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
