I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
